I’ve been helping people understand and use Feng Shui design concepts for over 15 years, and during all of these years, I have never had anyone intentionally use Feng Shui to remain single, until now. A few months ago, I ended a four-year relationship that had become somewhat toxic and simply wasn’t meeting my needs. After it ended, I was a little shell-shocked by its suddenness, even though I was the one who initiated it. That was when I realized that I needed to undo some things that I had done in my home, when a relationship was part of my life.
Love & relationships are one of the most popular reasons that people become interested in Feng Shui, but using it to undo a relationship was new to me. In my case, I wanted to create a space for healing; one that would allow me to re-align with my truest self, my needs and my desires. Considering that Mercury just went Retrograde on the 19th, this is the perfect time to reAssess and the perfect time to make changes. If you are unfamiliar with the dynamics of Mercury Retrograde, I can tell you that it is a time to reView, reEvaluate, reCharge & reCreate. It is not a time to start brand new ideas, businesses, or new relationships.
Since not everyone has an in-depth understanding of all the Feng Shui rules surrounding relationships, I’d like to share a more intuitive approach. If you find yourself in a position of un-coupling, I’d like to invite you to walk around your home and intuitively look around. You may also want to have a storage tote or two within reach. Does anything pop out as a reminder of your former love? Do you still have photographs of the two of you displayed or hanging on the wall? Go ahead and remove them. There is nothing worse after a breakup than constantly being bombarded with reminders of all the good times that you had with your lover. You aren’t going to burn them or anything, you are merely putting them in a safe space, as you would with any precious memory.
For me, this was particularly challenging because my former love was very handy with tools and he often made me hand-crafted gifts and mementos which were sprinkled everywhere around my home. I took some of them down, but some are just there forever, like a dragonfly caught in amber, to be admired and loved in spite of everything else.
Once I was satisfied with this step, I decided to intentionally look at the right hand corner of every single room in my home. This included the bathroom, the kitchen, the closets, everything. Since I use Feng Shui daily, I knew I wouldn’t find any trash cans, litter boxes or spiky cacti plants in these areas, but I did find several examples of artwork and decor with couples. In their place, I am searching for art that reflects my new relationship status.
I love to paint, and so after my relationship ended, I added a gorgeous accent wall in my bedroom, and moved the bed. With these changes in place, my room feels totally different than it had been, so the memories involving my former love have been dissolved a little. Now every time I walk into my bedroom, I am instantly happy.
If you were married to your former love, I’d like to suggest that you put away the champagne glasses that you used to toast your marriage, and maybe even relocate the fine china that you had displayed, but never used. If your bed has been in the same place for the entire length of your relationship, why not move it like I did. In fact, I have an even more radical idea, get a new mattress! When you consider how much time we usually spend in our beds with the one we love, the idea of a new mattress is very appealing. A fresh start can be the best start, and a new bed is always a good idea when a long relationship ends.
Since my goal is to RE-member my value and reconnect with the Divine Feminine that I am and always have been, I replaced the relationship “cures” that I had originally set up, with images, art and decor that help empower me as a woman. Luckily, I already have some really cool items that I simply moved around to anchor this desire. A few years ago, one of my yoga students gave me a figure of a woman sitting alone in meditation. I had originally placed her in my home’s Life Journey area because she represented my interest and use of meditation to know myself. During my intuition walk, I felt like a better place for her would be in one of my relationship areas. Now when I see her, I am reminded of my intention to reflect on my journey through my relationships and remember my value, desires and goals.
Another example might include replacing a love seat with a soft and inviting one-person chair. Think of all the awesome, cozy chairs that you see at coffee shops, and consider investing in one or moving an existing one into an area of your home that currently has a love seat. Do you ever notice that those single seat chairs are the most sought-after at your local coffee shop? There is a reason for that!
The examples are endless, and limited only by our ability to know what we want and create accordingly. Our most intelligent guide is how a thing makes us feel when we see it. Does it align with who you are or who you want to be? Does it make you feel happy and at peace? Or does it make you angry or full of fear and uncertainty? A little bit of Feng Shui and a whole lot of honesty and willingness to move forward are your best tools to healing and creating the life of your dreams. You simply need to trust your feelings and go from there. This too shall pass, and when it does, you will know exactly what you do and don’t need in order to create the next, best and highest version of you.